Dear ABBY: I have been married to “Ellis”, a wonderful man, for a year and a half. This is a second marriage for each of us.
My older children are alone. Ellis has three sons (ages 15, 21 and 23) who live with us. The oldest is autistic.
My husband and his ex-wife, Mia, share joint custody, but our home is the primary home.
Mia is supposed to have the kids two days a week and every other weekend. We have the kids come to our house after school because she works and the law is, if there is childcare, both parents have to pay equally.
Mia takes full advantage of our kindness and usually doesn’t pick up the kids until 9pm her night. Sometimes, she doesn’t show up at all, which leaves us all hanging.
Ellis refuses to talk to Mia about it because it ends up in an argument and he says he can’t make her do anything.
He also won’t go back to court to make her responsible because of the cost and the fact that he doesn’t want the boys to see him taking their mother to court.
This situation is difficult and Ellis gets upset with me when I tell her that she needs to face Mia or arrange to drop the kids off at her work on her days off.
I am exhausted and it is putting a lot of strain on our marriage. I’m not sure it will survive if this continues. Please tell me what to do. – POINT SHOWN
DEAR STEPMOTHER: Does your husband know how strongly you feel about this? You are both overdue for an honest conversation.
As much as your husband doesn’t want to spend the money, the answer to this problem can be found in a lawyer’s office.
Mia’s failure to abide by the custody agreement may change the amount of money she may be required to pay, or vice versa.
Two of their “children” are now adults. Has there been any discussion of when and if they will live independently?
The youngest is just a year away from being able to legally go to his mom if she can’t take him. All responsibility for them should not fall on you.
Dear ABBY: What do you think about a situation in which close family members and close friends misspell my daughter’s name? She is now 22.
We recently celebrated her college graduation and I was horrified to see her name scrawled on the papers. This has been done to her over the years.
Abby, her name sounds similar to a more common name, and I purposely spelled her name out on invitations and texts, etc.
It worries me and she already has trouble teaching others how to pronounce her name, let alone spell it correctly.
I feel a lack of care or respect that they don’t take the time to make sure. am i right –– IT’S WRONG IN NEW JERSEY
DEAR WRONG: How do these friends and relatives treat your daughter? If they treat him well, forgive the mutilation of the name you have given him.
She’s an adult now, so let her fight her own battles from now on instead of taking her away from the people who care about her.
Dear Abby was written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at DearAbby.com or PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
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